You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i think my cat just said my name.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
