I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
