like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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