How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
