My first STD was from a foam party
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize