I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
