you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
