Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
