he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
