Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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