But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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