I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
