If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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