I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
