she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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