I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
