If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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