i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
