I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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