hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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