It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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