it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
