And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
