Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize