took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
