Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize