if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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