The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The feeling are messing with the penis
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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