I wish I could teleport
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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