I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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