He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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