Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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