He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
