I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
