mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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