we have officially lost it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
