i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
