And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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