Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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