I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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