Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
