I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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