my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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