Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
