tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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