True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
