Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
