I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
