Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
