I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
