I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
