The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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