youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
