Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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