Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
