I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
