Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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