What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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