Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
