Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
