Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
