If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I FOUND THE LEGS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
