What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I cut my penus on the lid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
